Quiet Zone

I saw "Quiet Zone" on the door, hesitated an instant, then quickly jumped on board. I could do with an hour and a half of calm.

As I found my seat, the woman in the seat behind mine was loudly talking on her phone while her travel companion, her daughter I presumed, sitting two seats back, shrieked instructions on what to say.

She ended the call and then a child, also travelling with her, began moaning about some trivial absent need. I took a deep breath and moved five rows up the train. Here were solo travellers quietly reading their newspapers.

As the train moved off, the announcements started.

"If you're travelling to Lower Clefton, Upper Pointon or Scraggy Bottom, move to the front five carriages. Also at Shepherds Surgaton, the platforms are short... blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. And more blah blah blah."

When the automatic announcement ended, the train conductor repeated the same helpful messages. And added that the first stop would be at 12.47.

Finally, the voices stopped. Only to be replaced by the scrunching of plastic packaging. And just as those eaters finished, the buffet trolley came through.

"Mum," shouted the harpe, "do you want anyfink to drink?"

She had moved up to my row.

Soon more plastic packaging was torn apart. The stench of reheated food and the crunch of crisps eaten with open mouth ensured that no tranquility was available on this train.

The conductor came through loudly checking tickets and repeating his instructions about where to sit for x, y and z stations.

Then that damned child started hooting in some perverse initation of a dying hyena enacting its last wish to sing before being executed by quartering.

I turned to my iPhone to bring me distraction from the distraction that I'd sought from my iPhone.

And relax.

Call it a death wish, if you like

Late last year, it suddenly dawned on me that what I really want to do is run the Marathon des Sables, a mad venture involving six marathons back-to-back across the Sahara.

But first...

OK, so the decision is easy to make, sticking to it and getting out to the desert is somewhat harder. There are no places for another three years and I have time to get fit, gradually building up the distance.

So I'm doing a half-marathon in September, the Great North Run. I'm under no obligation but I'd like to raise some funds for Alzheimer's Society. Please give what you can...

http://www.justgiving.com/alexguest74/

The MBA versus the crazy old witch

Scott Adams has been taking a dig at MBAs this week...



Have a great Bank Holiday weekend!

Lemon mousse

A wonderful, refreshing dessert after a good dinner.

Serves 4

Ingredients:

• 250ml double cream
• Juice of one lemon
• Zest of one lemon
• 3 heaped dessert spoons sugar
• 2 egg whites

Method:

1. Whisk up the cream, lemon zest and sugar just until it begins to thicken.
2. Then add the lemon juice and whisk a little more. But don't let it get too thick.
3. Whisk the egg whites until they form soft peaks, add to the cream mixture and fold in.
4. Spoon into 4 small bowls or glasses and put in the fridge to chill.

Chunky spinach soup

A tasty starter, ideal for a dinner in winter.

Ingredients:

• 50g salted butter
• 3 shallots chopped
• 1 pint chicken stock
• 300g spinach leaves chopped
• nutmeg
• 75ml creme fraiche
• 75g gruyere cubed

Method:

1. melt the butter in a large pan
2. throw in the shallots and cook gently for 10 minutes
3. pour in the stock and simmer for 5 mins
4. then add the spinach, with a generous grating of nutmeg, then season and simmer for 20-30 mins
5. take off the heat and allow to stew for a while
6. warm up and stir in the creme fraiche just before serving
7. add the gruyere cubes

Wine suggestion: a medium bodied red - a burgundy would be ideal

Scent of a lemon

While enjoying my very lemony shower gel this morning, I got thinking about the old "you know when you've been Tango'd" ads. Like this one...



So being a film fan - and believing that watching film at the cinema is the full flavoured experience - I came up with the germ of an idea for a series of ads for Tango to be shown on the silver screen. Here's the first in the series, for lemon tango.

'Scent of a Lemon'

It's the run-up to the tango scene in Scent of a Woman. Smart restaurant, milongas playing in the background. Lt Col Frank Slade (Al Pacino) and Charlie Simms (Chris O'Donnell) have just sat down at the table where Donna (Gabrielle Anwar) is waiting for her lunch date...

Lt Col Frank Slade: I dedect a fragrance in the air. Don't tell me what it is... it's citrus limon.
Donna: That's amazing.
Lt Col Frank Slade: Well, I'm in the amazing business.
Donna: It is citrus limon. My grandmother squeezed it this morning.
Lt Col Frank Slade: I'm crazy about your grandmother... so, Donna, d'you Tango?
Donna: I've never tried
Lt Col Frank Slade: well, Donna, I'm offering my services.

He offers his hand to her but a bright yellow lemon Tango dancer screams into view, pulls him onto the dance floor and tangos him to within an inch of his life.

Voiceover: You know when you've been Tango'd.
Lt Col Frank Slade: Woo-hah!


Tango is under threat. Visit http://www.savetango.co.uk/

Top 5 videos: cats don't make the cut

Well, it's that time of year... so here's my Top 5 viral videos of 2008. Enjoy!


The Laughing Quadruplets

So many videos of laughing babies. This one is really priceless with four wonderful quadruplets and their mum speaking for them "Do it again":

Where the hell is Matt?

The great thing about this video is the combination of the breadth of the globe covered, the choreography, the editing and the music:

Heavy Metal Farmer

Daveyboyz approached me a few weeks back saying he loves Zattoo, could he do a video for us? I said "yes, please! and I can give you some ads to your YouTube channel in return".

This video has nothing to do with Zattoo. For me, it's totally original content. Comedy, music, lyrics, editing... Great British humour:

Daft The Vote

There were lots of Daft Punk finger and body dances last year. This choreography is from November this year and encourages people to go vote. It didn't get many views. It deserves more:

Drunk History

OK, technically this one dates from 2007 but since it was posted on YouTube less than a year ago, on 23rd December, and I saw it earlier this year, I'm allowing it. I could have gone for, say, Part 3 instead but it was the initial episode that was most entertaining and, in any case, by the very nature of being first, the most original.

Caution: contains strong language

That's all, Folks!